the chronicles of the Singh's on lane 42 (xvi)- The Setting Sun

Maya is into the sixth month of her pregnancy and she looks extremely sexy with the stomach. Dad is too much concerned about her safety and has made both of us shift from the first floor to the ground floor. He has disallowed Maya from climbing stairs and from going to office. He has even refused her to cook and goes nuts when anyone does things that might remotely upset her. He himself doesn’t smoke in the house anymore! All Maya is doing these days is sitting in front the T.V., morning and evening walks and yogic “Anulom-Vilom”.

Last week had been a terrible week for me; both on the work front and health front. I had two seizures in which I lost consciousness. Probably the work stress is taking a toll on me. However, yesterday while coughing, a lump of blood came out of my mouth and compelled me to visit the hospital. The doctor did some blood tests and x-rays and called me an hour ago for a consultation. I think he will advise me to some days of bed rest.

Doc: “Hello, Mr. Ajay. How do you feel?”

Me: “Fine; just a bit of headache. Will eventually get over I assume.”

Doc: “I am sorry to break this news, but please take some rest and spend time with your wife.”

Me: “Yeah, the work pressure has become too much. I will take the next week off!”

Doc: “No, you don’t get it. Please stay calm. You are suffering from terminal leukemia.”

Me: “What?”

The whole world seemed to have been uprooted by this heavy blow. The blow carried the whole building along with the foundation. “How can this happen? There must have been some mistake with the report?”

The doctor with an empathic face looked straight in my eyes and said, “we have checked the report thrice and I am sorry to say that is how it is! All you have is two months or max three! ”

Images of dad, Mom, Enya, Maya, our child started shattering alike a glass breaking upon falling on a concrete floor. So many years of love and affection were being snatched from me with this single blow.

Somehow I reached home from the hospital. Maya came up to me and hugged me tightly. To keep her away from unwanted tension I hadn’t told her about the seizures. After seeing her sweet two dimple smile I don’t have the heart to tell her about the Leukemia.

I settled the insurance papers, pensions and office work in the next two days. On one evening when Maya had gone on a walk with the neighbor lady, I told dad about my leukemia. Ever since my birth I had thought of dad as a person who could bear anything. I had never considered him being old and weak. Even mom’s death he had stoically accepted it, and came out of it. Will he ever recover from my death? Today, after hearing about my condition, deep furrows appeared on his forehead. I realized even he has turned old. I could feel how weak he was. The pain and grief was palpable and etched on his face. His hands were shaking. Maya completely unaware of the talks returned back from her walk.

Dad: “Beta, come. Take the remote, and watch some T.V.”

He slowly got up from the sofa and went to his room. He closed the door slowly and did not open it till the next morning. Maya took dinner to his room, but he calmly resent her back without opening the door. Maya got the hint something was wrong.

Next morning after dad came out of his room; Maya came and sat on the sofa beside me.

Maya: “what is it that’s bothering both of you?”
I had been expecting this question. I hadn’t mustered the courage to lie to Maya and by telling her the truth I couldn’t ruin her.

Me: “Nothing; just feeling off the rocker these days.”

Maya: “I have lived with you for more than three years, and I have loved you each and every moment I have spent with you. When you happen to even sneeze, the sound is ricocheted in my heart. Damn, don’t insult my love and intelligence. I have observed the missing insurance papers. What is going to happen?”

She took and my hand, and kept it on our unborn child. “For her sake speak the truth.”

Me: “You cannot bear it! Better let it stay buried till it can.”

Maya: “Truth is always preferable to lies; and by avoiding the truth you will bring a forced but tensed silence in our lives. Living with the silence will be much more unbearable than the truth itself. I do realize the truth will be painful but by telling me now it will be less painful than when it opens in future.”

Me: “Please… The truth is unbearable, but please keep a strong heart. I am dying of leukemia!”

The grief that swept her that day is inexplicable in words. Dad was trying to console Maya, and Maya was trying to console him. I sitting in between them, amidst hugs and tears realised how much I am going to lose!

[I died on 28th September, 2018. Death wasn’t a pain. It came as easy as falling down to sleep, however this time there was going to be no Maya to wake me up. This time there won’t be Enya to fight for the T.V. remote. This time there won’t be dad to reprimand me for oversleeping. This time there won’t be Nishith to speak to me of his troubles. This time there won’t be Sanu to selflessly share my loss. This time there won’t be Davesh to make me laugh; and most important of all there won’t be Maya’s beautiful smile which spread across her cheeks like a bridge joining two dimples.]