Today's mood

सानू सौदा नहीं पुखदा, सानू सौदा नहीं पुखदा...

रवि तो चेनाब पुछदा,

"की हाल है सतलुज दा?"

Saturday, August 16, 2008

That 44 Rupees Look!

I don't remember the precise date, but since when have been boys good at recalling dates, I hope I can be forgiven under that pretense. Who knew, that day would have culminated into today -- today, when I'm not myself; today I look into the mirror and find myself missing; today I see my own eyes and feel them lost somewhere in the depths of two black eyes which I looked into on that particular day.

Now read on and please don't hold me in the wrong light stating I was a scoundrel and a git. Please judge me with sympathy in your hearts, that's the most I beg of the readers. I was in sixth standard and she was a new comer to the school. She had not been able to get her hands on a geography text book and I had an extra one, by some glitch of mine I had bought two books today I thank to that fault of mine. She offered me the price of that book and woe my tongue I accepted it. Since that particular day I have been giving her a part of myself and today I have nothing left to gift her. Unknown to her I gave her my heart, unknown to her I made her a part of my emotions, my sorrows, my happiness, my dreams and finally my life.Worldly possessions seem too cheap in comparison to things I have given her.

So on that day it wasn't only the geography book that she bought from me; I along with the geography book gave her a lot of things which a true human gives only once. I gave her the things that she never asked for; I gave her the things, maybe, she doesn't even value; I gave her the things that she might crush at her slightest whim; I gave her the powers to create me, to destroy me, to build me or to ruin me. Maybe today she doesn't even wish to look at me, or maybe she thinks of me as nothing more than a straw on a stormy night, I don't know. I always thought of her as the air I breathe, as the water I drink, as the light I see and the presence I feel, and whenever I think of the geography book I remember the bargain she made.