Today's mood

सानू सौदा नहीं पुखदा, सानू सौदा नहीं पुखदा...

रवि तो चेनाब पुछदा,

"की हाल है सतलुज दा?"

Saturday, August 16, 2008

That 44 Rupees Look!

I don't remember the precise date, but since when have been boys good at recalling dates, I hope I can be forgiven under that pretense. Who knew, that day would have culminated into today -- today, when I'm not myself; today I look into the mirror and find myself missing; today I see my own eyes and feel them lost somewhere in the depths of two black eyes which I looked into on that particular day.

Now read on and please don't hold me in the wrong light stating I was a scoundrel and a git. Please judge me with sympathy in your hearts, that's the most I beg of the readers. I was in sixth standard and she was a new comer to the school. She had not been able to get her hands on a geography text book and I had an extra one, by some glitch of mine I had bought two books today I thank to that fault of mine. She offered me the price of that book and woe my tongue I accepted it. Since that particular day I have been giving her a part of myself and today I have nothing left to gift her. Unknown to her I gave her my heart, unknown to her I made her a part of my emotions, my sorrows, my happiness, my dreams and finally my life.Worldly possessions seem too cheap in comparison to things I have given her.

So on that day it wasn't only the geography book that she bought from me; I along with the geography book gave her a lot of things which a true human gives only once. I gave her the things that she never asked for; I gave her the things, maybe, she doesn't even value; I gave her the things that she might crush at her slightest whim; I gave her the powers to create me, to destroy me, to build me or to ruin me. Maybe today she doesn't even wish to look at me, or maybe she thinks of me as nothing more than a straw on a stormy night, I don't know. I always thought of her as the air I breathe, as the water I drink, as the light I see and the presence I feel, and whenever I think of the geography book I remember the bargain she made.

Saturday, August 9, 2008

The Greatest Mistake Of His Life

Have you ever felt great at the top of the heaven, and at the bottom of a fathomless pit?

Well the pitiable, sorrowful condition is love! It vacuums the courage within you and fills you with an everlasting hope. The hope - the desire - which burns inside your vacuumed inners filling it with a dank soot which we realize as pain. In this snippet I shall discuss when the slightly burning pale flame completely destroys you, when your vacuumed innards are dabbed black with this clammy soot of pain - when your clinging straw drowns into irretrievable fathomless water, and you are left at your own darkness to be overlapped or to cower it - and cowering is impossible.

Tagore said that human beings clasp to false hopes in times of despair (and they really do) ,and when they come face to face with reality these hopes rip the very nerves in which they flow and crack the subject up to doom. We human beings are the foolest creature God happened to chance. He gave us brain, senses, made us mortal to fear him however he made the gravest mistake of his immortal life when he endowed them with emotions. He did right by creating whatever he wished BUT he shouldn't have endowed us with emotions. What does that power know what we have been through, what does he realize what we have suffered.

Many desire to be God however I ask him to be in our place and love, and know what it feels when you love and are not responded, and I would be more than happy if he sees the loop hole in his own matrix. At the end of the day he would say ,"Ah! I wish I had been mortal not to endure this." The religious books preaches - at last every soul will be united to the Almighty/ do deeds that take you closer to Him; and what I say is - useless is the aforesaid thing. What a mortal like me want is the union with the soul about which I care, which I love, whose closeness I desire, I wish, I hope, I dream. What shall I do with a religious union when I can't care about that soul, when I can't love it.

"I call the creator the wisest fool. He made a mathematical equation "man" and put a variable "love" which when approaches a constant value makes the equation called "life" unsolvable."